so depressed...

and i have no idea why. *idobutnoonewillunderstandsoenoughofthis

=) have a nice day. or night. whatever it is.

Date:	2004-06-10 09:56
Subject:	RIP Mr. Perrino
Security:	Public
Mood:	numb

this is the absolute last thing i would have been able to guess. i can't even... accept it. mr. perrino.. the guy that's been there for four friggin years- making us laugh, always there when we need help... and now, just like that, he's gone. what G said is def right.. sometimes God just needs his angels back because they have nothing left to fix. i cant even imagine what his wife and his kids and grandkids are going through right now. i remember he was always so excited and so proud of his family... always asking about making the wiggles cd's for his grandkids.. and bringing in pictures of each and every one. and how he always teased everyone if they were with a guy or a girl and he would ask if they were going out... it's so surreal.

RIP Mr. Perrino- you've done everything in your power to help as many people as you could. you've made life so much better for so many people. we love you, we'll miss you, and we'll never forget you. God bless.  :'(

Dear sara,

you are a fat ugly retard and everyone hates you. please kill yourself as quickly as possible. You were just a waste time and space anyway.

Love,
everyone

Date:	2004-05-30 22:22
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	lifehouse- take me away

pretty good day today, i gotta say. finally got to hang out with mike and everyone. lol. i doubt anything will happen because hey, it's me and that's just my luck. but it was such a fun day. =)

i cant believe our four years at st. anthony's is overrr. it's so crazy, and i promised myself that i wouldn't lose it on friday but of course, i did. everytime i saw someone else crying, especially a guy, it made me feel worse  and i cried more lol. (i'm such an emotional freak.) and besides from my bro, i've never seen a guy cry EVER in real life. but anyway, i cant believe that i've said that i wanted to just get out of high school bc i couldnt deal with the drama. the truth is, i dont even know what to do with myself now. i know that i'm gonna see all the people that i wanna see like everyday this summer and as often as possible once classes start. but it's still not the same. like not being able to see eachother every single day and being excited to go to school the next day for one reason or another. i'm gonna miss it sooo much. and the sad thing is, i dont even think it's fully hit me yet... lol i have no idea what i'm gonna do on graduation.

anyway, i'm def beat so i'm gonna go play some guitar and then get some sleep. nite loves. xoxo.

Date:	2004-05-16 21:19
Subject:	wow
Security:	Public
Mood:	irritated
Music:	the tension and the terror-straylight run

it's so amazing how much and how quickly things can change...

1. who are you?
2. are we friends?
3. when and how did we meet?
4. how have i affected you?
5. what do you think of me?
6. what's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. how long do you think we will be friends?
8. do you love me?
9. do you have a crush on me?
10. would you kiss me?
11. would you hug me?
12. physically, what stands out?
13. emotionally, what stands out?
14. do you wish i was cooler?
15. on a scale of 1-10, how hot am i?
16. give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. am i loveable?
18. how long have you known me?
19. describe me in one word.
20. what was your first impression?
21. do you still think that way about me now?
22. what do you think my weakness is?
23. do you think i'll get married?
24. what makes me happy?
25. what makes me sad?
26. what reminds you of me?
27. if you could give me anything what would it be?
28. how well do you know me?
29. when's the last time you saw me?
30. ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. do you think i could kill someone?
32. are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what i say about you?

(it's all repetitive questions neway but what can i say... i'm a sucker for lj surveys*) =p

yeah so hectic week so far and it's only wednesday. not even gonna go into all the crap that happened today lol but i'm glad mary stayed after and helped me calm down. haha thanks! so registration at st. joseph's tomorrow so that means... no school for me!!! yessss! i'm excited. it's a bit scarier tho cause it's gonna be a lot more real like signing up for classes and whatnot. i got the XC forms in the mail today and not gonna lie, but i'm really excited. it's really really sad tho cause G isnt gonna be runnin with me on the same team and stuff. but i thought about it and i'm not only gonna run for myself, but for G too. cause it sucks a lot that she cant really run that much anymore and i dont wanna jus forget all the crap we went thru durin XC at st. a's. lol who could forget any of that anyway? (omg [rankel] followed us!!! run away!!!)

so yeah thas enough thinkin for tonite. xoxo

Date:	2004-05-02 11:37
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah
Music:	punchline cd kev made for me=)

note to self: sunscreen!!! lol second time in my life i've gotten sunburn. it's not totally horrible cause i know it's gonna turn out to be a nice tan (hopefully) but i couldn't sleep last nite because of it lol.

this weekend was insane. the invitational with all those hot west islip boys! workin the long jump and the high jump for hours lol , my lovely little car accident, chrystal's concert and meeting basically every member of her immediate and extended family, etc. etc.

i guess besides the car accident everything else was really cool. only thing is, i'm kinda scared to drive to school tomorrow, yano? idk it's stupid but kinda shook me up a bit. it's really not that bad but when we pulled over i jus like sat there like in shock. i was soooo afraid of calling my mom and dad bc i  knew they'd be so mad but surprisingly, they werent. i must've looked like such an idiot jus standing there crying cause i had no idea what to do. now i need to get my car like repainted on the side and get the side mirror fixed. o man...

seems kinda as if everyone's finding something to complain about, myself included. and i feel as if i cant really help bc its mostly relationship probs but i figure, i dont even get dudes anymore besides weird ones in the mall and track meets but that doesnt count (cause he hit on james too lol) so i cant really help. ughhh i jus read that over and that totally depressed me

got some stuff to do so i best be gettin out of here

xoxo

*Recommend to me...
1. a movie
2. a book
3. a musical artist, song, or album
4. a LiveJournal user not on my friend's list
5. what I should have for dinner
6. a website
7. a quote*

xoxo

Current (Now)
[Clothes] white tank and jeans
[Jewelry] shell necklace
[Mood] blah
[Music] lucky boys confusion lol
[Taste] gum
[Hair] i jus got it done today! i have highlights! lol
[Annoyance] nothing at the moment
[Smell] VS heavenly
[Thing I Ought to be Doing] homework but it's no surprise that i'm not
[Desktop Picture] crush, squirt, marlin, dory.. Finding nemo!!!=)
[Favorite Group] yellowcard, story of the year, punchline, lucky boys, smile empty soul, etc. etc. etc.
[Book] james patterson book lol i dont even kno the title
[Movie In Player] no idea
[Color Of Toenails]hot pink lol
[Refreshment] water
[Worry] nothing at the moment
[Favorite Celebrity] dunno


Past (Last)

[Person You Touched] i dont remember lol
[Person You Talked to] sage
[Person You Hugged] i dont think i've hugged anyone in a while... i need hugs=(
[Person You Had A Crush On] i'm not gettin into that but it's over so w/e... anyone got any ideas??? lol
[Person Who Broke Your Heart] LMAO u've g2 be kidding

Favorite

[Food] penne alla vodka
[Drink] water
[Color] turquoise or orange
[Shoes] adidas flip flops or any flip flops for that matter
[Candy] reesies piceies!!! lmao good times, good times
[Animal] huskies, dolphins
[TV Show] one tree hill coughhotboyscough
[Movie] billy madison, zoolander, Happy Gilmore
[Dance] idk
[Song] too many
[Vegetable] broccoli lol
[Fruit] watermelon

Who Do You Want To

[Kill]ummm no one lol
[Slap] ummm no one
[Look Like] anyone but me i guess
[Be Like] myself
[Meet] no idea



i'm so bored... this weekend went way too fast.. all weekends do i guess. but anyway, i had time for a lotta thinkin this weekend. about like...everything? it was jus about my future and how i'm scared of leaving st. a's but i really want summer. i need summer. i'm so scared tho cause i'm used to wakin up every morning to ppl that i want to see, yano? i mean, i'm excited to meet new ppl and everything but i'm scared about not being able to see like my best friend everyday and stuff. but like G said, we're def gonna keep in touch and everything and it will all go back to the way it used to be whenever they come back/we visit. it'll be ok. =)

and this whole thinkin thing got me thinkin about how i worry too much about things and take things way too personally. i jus really need to stop- i'm workin on it bc i'm sick of jus constantly being like moodswing-ish lol based on what someone says. so yeah, yay for self improvement.

hmmm.. not much else has been goin on. jus the usual. i really really need summerrrrr

and this whole entry jus wasted ur time!=)

Date:	2004-04-16 22:51
Subject:	i love you all so much- thanks for dealing with me as best u can lol
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained
Music:	ursher-burn

one more time, bc i dont think i can say it enough... i was jus thinking about how i treat ppl and deal with situations. and to be quite honest, i wasn't exactly thrilled when i realized how much pain i've caused ppl throughout my lifetime... especially this year, this week even. i say things out of frustration, things that i don't mean at all. but for some reason, and i'm not trying to make excuses for my actions, but for some reason when i get angry or sad or upset or hurt, etc. i let my emotions get the best of me. and i'm so so so so so sorry. for some reason, i never really got the message that said "hey sara, you act like the biggest jerk sometimes... stop" until today.

mary had told me flat out that when i say stuff like that, it gets on ppls nerves and stuff... and i read G's lj and stuff and i started ::gasp:: crying bc if i was one of those ppl, i dont think i could deal with myself. and i guess it's like what they say- the truth hurts. so thanks for tellin me straight up what's wrong with me... lol that sounded kinda strange. o well

this goes out to all of you. i love you all sooo much, words can't describe it. so amongst all this random babbling and whatnot, i guess what i'm trying to say is... thanks. =)

Date:	2004-04-16 00:09
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	pissed off

to whom it may concern:

i hate you so much right now.

words cant even express it.

have a nice fucking nite

Date:	2004-04-15 09:48
Subject:	"i'll have the reesies piecies,plz"
Security:	Public
Mood:	hopeful
Music:	lucky boys confusion-city lights

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want and I will answer it. Then, I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

have fun with that. and MAKE THE RAIN STOP!!!  someone, please,please, please, i'll give you a dollar if you can make it stop raining. (and clearly, G still owes me that quarter...) the weather is so depressing, it's driving me nuts. G, it's funny how we thought we would go to SM everyday this week and we didn't get to go at all.  =(  but tomorrow's supposed to be really nice, like... perfect, so PLEASE ask your rents to go to montauk. (we can even run there haha) and today is a party at G's house!!! yayyy... maybe i'll finally get to play catch phrase. maybe. moral of the entry? montaukkkkk...

Date:	2004-04-13 11:11
Subject:	i <3 my boys
Security:	Public
Mood:	pleased
Music:	fefe dobson-everything

lol i dont kno anymore. last nite was interesting, for lack of a better word. i honestly have no idea what's going on but i guess maybe that's a good thing? idk. mixed signals much??? but it was fun. i like stuff like that, jus kinda hangin out and bein random with the ppl you love.

*the best times are with the nights you won't remember with the people you'll never forget...*

we're so doing this again before vacation is over. just a warning.

anyone up for hangin out at my place tomorrow nite? movie nite!!! lemme kno... lol (G, i kno u called thursday nite so that narrows it down a bit)  

haha yayyy for early morning runs at sunken meadow!!! lol and we def are doing that every morning this week!

G~"are we gonna take our pants off?"

S*"do you have shorts on underneath??!?"

~"it's like that footprints poem... and how they go like..." ::stomps feet in sand::

~"wow! we're all strawberry-ed-ed-ed"

~"ok i gotta jus unwrap my ankle and throw it in the garbage! ...or something..."

~"i really wanted to climb that tree but now that i see it up close, it's good that i didnt cause then i would've fallen off the cliff!" (yeah, that's me being retarded)

~SAND ANGELS!!!

that was sooo much fun! gotta love the geese and the potholes and the uneven ground and all that! and yeah, i loooove goin into 7-11 and standing there laughing at everything for 10 minutes without buying anything!!! hehehe ;-)

Date:	2004-04-06 20:49
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick

i am absolutely right.

guys ARE gay.

and i hate them.

EVERY single one of them.

and this is me giving up.

Date:	2004-04-03 12:53
Subject:	ok, guys are weirwd
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused
Music:	more to life- stacie orrico

can someone please tell me whyyy guys are so complicated???

"i've got the time and i'm wasting it slowly,here in this moment, i'm halfway out the door onto the next thing, i'm searching for something that's missing...

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more

Than wanting more
Than waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed....."

i know he's trying... and i give him credit for it. but for some reason, i'm looking for something more in him... from him.  i need him to express to me how he feels. but maybe i'm asking for too much. cause i know how hard it is to tell someone how you really feel about them. especially when you're afraid of rejection. but also, he and sandy only broke up like a few weeks ago so he's gotta be on the rebound. i'm beginnin to think that this isn't a good idea. he's prob jus trying to get back at her for dating someone right after they broke up. but i dont want to be the person that he uses to get back at her. i want to be the person he's interested in but i doubt that that would work.  i mean, this whole situation kinda jus came outta no where and maybe my expectations are too high. sometimes in situations like these, it's better to jus take things slow and let things happen... but it's so hard when you know that there's so much potential. the thing is that nobody really knows what to tell me. i guess i jus gotta figure it out on my own.

(someone enlighten me, please.)

^clearly, things in parentheses cannot be ignored.

1. hair color - doesnt matter
2. eye color - doesnt matter but i love green eyes

3. height - tall but not too tall

4. six pack? - hahaha that would be great
5. long/short hair - depends
6. glasses? - not really but on occasion, sure

7. piercings? - not really
8. chest hair? - ::shudders:: that kinda skeeves me out
9. buff or skinny - buff
10. straight teeth, gap, or braces - straight  
11.punk/jock/emo/sXe/goth? - don't care
12. funny or serious - both
13. party or stay at home - both
14. should he cook or bake? - cook

15. should he have a best friend? of course
16. should he have a lott of girl friends? - sure
17. outgoing or shy - outgoing
18. sarcastic or sincere - both
19. would he watch chick flicks? - if he wants lol

20. would he be a smoker? - def not

21. would he drink? - why not
22. would he swear? - everyone slips up a little, just as long as it's not after every other word lol

23. would he pay for dates? - not all of them

24. does he kiss on the first date? - kissing is so much fun
25. where would you go to dinner? - wherever

26. would he bring you flowers? - if he wants... hibiscuses (hint hint)  
27. would he lay under the stars with you? - without a doubt- YES

28. would he write poetry about you? - whatever floats his boat lol

29. would he call you hunny, sweetie, or baby? - baby hehe ( yeah i'm a nerd)

30. would he hang out with you and YOUR friends? - yeah! =)
31. would you hang out with him and HIS friends? of course=)

32. would he play sports? - yes
33. would he skateboard? - sure
34. would he snowboard? - i <3 snowboarding... =)
35. would he play guitar? - i <3 boys with guitars
36. play piano? - sure
37. play drums? - lol if he wants

38. would he clean his room? - shouldnt be immaculate but it's cool if u could see the floor haha
39. would he paint, draw, sculpt? - sure
40. would he write his own music? - that would be... glorious=)
41. would he sing for you? - haha ok
42. use the word dude? - dude,yeah
43. use the word tight? - only if it's in context (ie "my seatbelt is too tight) haha no i'm just playin... never really thought about it
44. what kind of car would he drive - i dont care
45. would he put his arm around you or hold your hand? - both

46. would he dance? - yes
47. how often would you see him? - a lot
48. would you want him to get you jewelery? - nah, not necessary
49. stay up and talk all night long? - yes=) that would be amazing
50. say i love you? - yes. after a while..

i <3 boys.

Date:	2004-03-25 20:33
Subject:	wtf
Security:	Public
Mood:	crappy

i dont even know why i bother anymore.

bc if ppl dont even want to get to know me, what's the point in trying? i'm sorry i can't be all flirty and be able to mess with guys heads... i'm sorry but that's just not me.

G U Y S   S U C K

( screw it- i'm done, i'm over this)

What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla



if i was "everyone's sweetheart" in which everyone appreciates my quirkiness and "guys" love me for it... yeah, rite, that'll be the day. lol.

Date:	2004-03-06 21:47
Subject:	there arent even any words to say
Security:	Public
Mood:	indescribable
Music:	nothing

i have no idea what to say. finally jus saw The Passion of the Christ with sheila- jus got home. i'm still shaking. i had no idea how intense and much of an impact it would have on me. i admit i was nervous before even seeing it bc i didnt think i would be able to handle it... but thankfully, i did, and i hope that everyone in that crowded theater got as much out of it as i did. clearly, i'm a pretty emotional person and i knew i was gonna cry- i even brought tissues in my bag... but i had no idea jus how much i would- in front of so many people.

when Jesus said "forgive them Father. they know not what they do"... i couldnt really keep it together. just that simple phrase can go so far- i got chills. the love Jesus had for us and his faith that everything would be ok in the end... so amazingly... i cant even find an adjective to fit in there. and also when Veronica wiped the face of Jesus, and the way He looked at her... and the pain in His eyes when Judas and Peter denied Him... i don't even kno. it made me think a lot, yano? cause i'm sittin there thinking, if i were one of them, i would never do that, it's Jesus. but now that i think about the way i act sometimes and the things on impulse and the things i sometimes kno i'm doing wrong but do them, i realize that that's what got us here in the first place... i really need to work on it. no excuses.

i'm so glad i finally saw that...i'm so glad that i can now kno jus how much Jesus went thru... i think that seeing it and being on retreat this past week has really made such an impact on me, even if it's not fully realized yet...